Blogger Blather

There’s no room in the bed for me…

I was watching “Top Chef” the other night and it occurred to me that some professions come with titles. What first comes to mind is how we address physicians as “Doctor.” Also, most Phds use this term (hey, if I spent 8 – 10 years in college I’d use it too).

But why do all Chef’s use the word “Chef” in front of their name? For instance, Tom Collichio who is one of the Bravo judges, and all the other cooks who appear on the show are always called “chef.” I don’t think it has to do with their culinary education. I believe it’s just a term for whoever is running the kitchen.

Then there’s the hilarious Seinfeld episode where Elaine starts dating the “Maestro.” Jerry makes fun of him because the orchestra he conducts only plays in retirement homes, but Bob Cobb (the Maestro’s real name) argues it doesn’t matter — he is still a “Maestro.”

Since we don’t have royalty and inherited titles in the U.S. I guess this is a way to show status in the states.

Another thing I’ve noticed people doing to elevate their professional standing is to give themselves a self-proclaimed title such as:

the style diva

or

king of the literary hill

or

the sausage king of chicago

I just redesigned writer Hollis Gillespie’s website and a publication dubbed her the “memoir maven.” I was so jealous! Where’s my title?

The garage sale didn’t disappoint from a people watching perspective. Some of the highlights include:

- The guy who showed up at 6:30am while we were setting up and said, “I saw your sign and thought I’d stop and see what you had.” I have to again ask, who the heck is just driving around leisurely at 6:30am on a Saturday morning?

- The water company worker who came by at 8:30am in his company truck and uniform. Hey, I guess he figured he was due a little break since he had to work on the weekend. Actually, he was pretty cool. He bought $2 worth of stuff and then “tipped” us a dollar. Hahaha!

- My sister put out a bunch of old towels and they ALL sold. Eewww!

- My other sister put out a bunch of old shoes and they ALL sold. Double Eewww! — (one for each foot).

From a monetary perspective it was kind of lame. We each only made about $50. But the people watching… priceless.

Aacckk! My cats have fleas. FLEAS! I just gave them all some medicine and I’m washing the bedding (theirs and mine) in hot water. Casa de Kittyboy should be flea-free by the weekend. This really makes you want to come visit me now doesn’t it?

I am having no luck with my Netflix rentals. Some of the sucky “comedies” I’ve recently watched include:

Nancy Drew

Enchanted (even gorgeous Patrick Dempsey couldn’t make this interesting)

27 Dresses

and the suckiest of those that suck: I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry. I know, what did I expect from Adam Sandler, right? But, seriously, this was even more horrible than usual Adam Sandler horribleness. I couldn’t get past the first act.

My only bit of comic relief these days is watching episodes of the NBC show 30 Rock online. I highly recommend it. Tina Fey is my new hero (at least until the new episodes of Kathy Griffin’s My Life on the D-List start up in June).

Plus, Alec Baldwin has redeemed himself in my eyes. All his political bloviating really bugs me, but he is hilarious in this show. Check it out.

Most of the time I am terribly bored and wish I had some interesting event to attend. A few days ago some fellow writers in Baton Rouge sent out info on a writers conference in New Orleans taking place at the end of August over Labor Day weekend. It’s at the historic Hotel Monteleone in the French Quarter and they have several noted authors, agents and publishers scheduled to appear. I know a couple of people who have already registered for the event, and I was 90% sure I was going to go, too.

Then something told me I should check and see when the Decatur Book Festival in Atlanta is happening. Of course, it’s the same weekend. I’ve attended the Decatur Book Festival the last two years and it’s really fun, but it’s BIG. The event in New Orleans will only be about 200 people — all staying together at the same hotel. So it might be better for networking.

Monetarily, it’s a wash. In fact, it would probably be cheaper to go to Atlanta.

So what do you guys think? Is it time for me to stop scurrying back to Atlanta for all my social activities, or should I keep indulging in my desire to get out of Louisiana?

My sisters and I are having a garage sale at my house this Saturday. I haven’t had one since 1997 , so maybe I’m out of touch, but to me, reasonable hours are like 9am – 3pm.

My sisters insist that garage sales in Baton Rouge start at 6am. HUH? Don’t people have anything to do here? Guess not. Who in the heck gets up before dawn on a Saturday to dig through other people’s crap?

A few weeks ago I got an email from a friend in Atlanta who was having a moving sale. I forwarded it on to some people, so the info was still in my outbox. I just checked the note and his hours were 10am – 4pm. See, that’s reasonable.

Honestly, after hearing about the hordes of weirdos who descend at the crack of dawn, I’m kind of hesitant to have it at my place. Who wants to bet that 75% of the people who show up will be wearing purple and gold polyester?

Photo sampled from http://www.flickr.com/photos/plakidas/439054307/

Yesterday I brought Orange Cat to visit Mother. He was an outside stray that she had been feeding for about a year. Everything was fine until she tripped over him in January and busted her ribs. I took him in and he’s been a good kitty. She asks about him all the time, so I thought she would enjoy seeing him on Mother’s Day. We sat outside while he sniffed around the yard. I’m not sure if he remembered her and the house, but he seemed to enjoy the outing. This is a pic I took of him last night. Doesn’t look like he’s missing being outside too much:

When I got home I saw that my cats had caught me a trio of mice for Mother’s Day. Look how cute!

I’m suspicious that “Mister Tom,” the cats’ favorite sitter, may have helped them pick out the gift.

Has anyone tried to use a Delta Skymiles reward ticket lately? I used to have a platinum Delta Visa card and would earn a couple of free tickets a year. It was really easy to redeem the reward and the only restriction was that there were blackout dates around major holidays. Simple enough.

Well, the first weekend in June I’m planning to head to Los Angeles to attend Book Expo America with my friend Hollis. The only thing is I’m kinda broke and the cheapest flight out of Baton Rouge or New Orleans is $400. It’s just a weekend trip, so I really don’t want to spend that much on airfare. So I checked my Skymiles balance and saw that I had just enough for a free domestic roundtrip ticket.

I started searching for flights on Delta.com and I got at least a dozen different options for my departure and arrival days.

Here’s the kicker, when I click the button to use my Skymiles, all the options but ONE for each leg of the trip disappear. So basically, I have to either take that roundtrip flight (which is not at times I want to travel) or pull out my credit card and buy a $400 ticket.

Looks like the weekend of June 1 I might be in La. instead of L.A.

BTW, the pic to the right was taken in Hollywood at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre about 10 years ago. I’m sitting on William Shatner’s hand prints, thus the Vulcan salute. Which reminds me, I even checked Priceline.com (Shatner’s current gig) and the options were no better.

The other day I got an email entitled “David is back in Italy.” When I opened it the text said “Michelangelo’s famous statue, David, returns to Italy this week after a 12 week, 20 city, U.S. tour.” And this was the photo:

I don’t normally forward silly emails like this, but I thought the photo was too funny. So, I forwarded it along with a snarky comment and was pleased to receive a bunch of equally pithy replies. Here are my faves:

“Looks like someone discovered McDonald’s and Krispy Kreme.”

“I guess the only English phrase he learned was ‘Supersize me!’”

“Obviously he didn’t take the walking tours.”

“Actually, he looks pretty good for his age. It can be a challenge for aging Italians to maintain washboard abs.”

“Poor guy he has enlargement and shrinkage at the same time”

Hahaha! Feel free to leave a comment and add your witty caption.